Ariadne 'Granny' Fripp
Crabby old lady with bowels like clockwork, knitting king(queen?)pin of Rao's Sanctuary
Name: Ariadne Fripp. Known to the populace as ‘Granny Fripp’ but Gods help you if you don’t call her Mrs Fripp to her face. Fripp is her maiden name, which she retained even during marriage.
Age: 94 (tells people she is 98 because she feels like the extra years command extra respect)
Sexuality: Asexual, but has been married to a man because back in her day that’s just what people did.
Late husband, Harold Forgebrand. (Sewage worker who died in mysterious circumstances)
Children: 10, including Mayra’s father Merle.
Grandchildren: 29, including Mayra Forgebrand (played by Megan) and her siblings Amber and Jadyn.
Ariadne gave up trying to remember the names of her progeny after her fifth child; even she is impressed that she bothered to get that far. Nowadays she either gets everybody’s names mixed up or calls her descendants by a random name in the hopes that she’s got the right one.
She is the youngest of six siblings, all of whom she completely despises for petty reasons.
Deep down she enjoyed her husband’s companionship on an emotional level, but always joked about how he stank, how he was a good-for-nothing, and so on. Unfortunately, she has a very brusque turn of phrase, and poor Harold often assumed she wasn’t joking due to her deadpan delivery.
Gods: She accepts that they exist but thinks that they are all a bunch of pricks, and refuses to follow any particular one. Mind you, she will begrudgingly accept their blessings when times are difficult…
Job: She knits and crochets. A lot. She can do things with a pair of needles that would make your nan sick with envy. Unfortunately, people cottoned on to the fact that she could do them a service, and her hobby bloomed into a business. She has taught many of her descendants to knit and they will often fulfil simpler orders for her – not for payment, for a chance to do good and avoid her wrath for a day or so.
Ariadne is a multitasker – she tends to knit wherever she can; while walking, while reading (has no qualms about cracking the spine of a book so it will lie open in her lap), between stirring the cooking pot, while liaising with clients. How her hands haven’t fallen apart by now is a mystery.
It is often said that if you mess with Granny Fripp, she will knit you a very nice coffin.
Physical Description: Despite her advanced age, she is relatively hearty and hale but for the odd twinge of her knees. It is often remarked behind closed doors by her less favoured descendants that ‘the hateful old bat just refuses to die’. She has dark eyes and long, untidy hair (used to be brown, has long since turned white) kept in a braid down her back. She has a hooked nose, long features which were elegant in her youth, and a severe expression. She is quite tall, having worked hard her whole life to maintain a rigid, upright posture.
Her slender build makes her prone to the cold, and so she is often bundled in layers of shawls, cardigans and so on in a variety of colours to keep warm. She typically wears a skirt that reaches just past her knees, and heavy, practical brown boots that have lasted her for about forty years. When she drives, she wears a pair of massive goggles that otherwise remain on top of her head.
A Day in the Life of Ariadne Fripp
6am – Wakes up covered in whatever knitting she fell asleep doing, milks the sheep and cooks a massive breakfast for everyone (some children have yet to move out, and some have moved back in with their own children in tow)
7am – Morning bowel movement, followed by her daily rampage around the neighbourhood to walk off breakfast.
8am – Drives into the market to buy yarn, food etc. Sometimes has a kid/grandkid in tow if she intends on buying a lot.
9am – Wandering the market, trading gossip and so on.
10am – Stops by the chasm to spit on her husband’s grave; maybe dance a bit if she feels sprightly. Has elevenses – a cheese and pickle sandwich.
11am – Drives home; talks her passenger’s ear off in a mildly racist rant about the state of society today, back in my day things were much better, yadda yadda. Makes sure to interrupt her passenger if they try to contribute.
12am – Home, cooks huge lunch.
1pm – Afternoon bowel movement. Then she will skulk around in the garden if weather permits; if not, she will skulk around indoors.
2pm – Knitting.
3pm – Spends an hour looking through the post and muttering angrily about it all; most of her post is from people making requests. ‘Thank you’ cards and the like go straight on the hearth as they are a waste of bloody paper.
4pm – Meets clients (usually that bloody librarian with more of her cat sweaters who spends more time showing those godsforsaken ‘cat wedding’ photos than actually talking about what she wants knitting).
5pm – If the librarian has pissed off, Ariadne cooks a massive dinner for the family. The family eats around the table and Ariadne usually ends up pissing off or being pissed off by somebody.
6pm – Knitting, or reading, or having a shouting match with whoever she has pissed off at dinner. Evening bowel movement.
7pm – Gets into bed and ruminates/rages on the events of the day; knits while nodding off.
8pm – Falls asleep, and dreams of impaling her foes.